This episode had it all: A fight! Handsy make outs! Margaret Cho!
Finally, Bachelor Nation got to see an actual dramatic moment. But after the many promos — so many promos I could recite Clare’s “I am the oldest Bachelorette in history” #Girlboss speech by heart as she said it — Yosef and Clare’s big explosion turned out to be nothing but a quick burst.
The show finally acknowledged what we’ve known for months: That Clare and Dale Moss leave together and Tayshia Adams will take over as the Bachelorette. At the end of the episode, Clare referred to him as her “fiancé.”
Tonight, she told former star DeAnna about her love for the Halloween costume model. “This might be the shortest season ever,” Clare said as she sniffed his pants like a serial killer.
Here’s how the third week went down.
The episode started off with Yosef, who was steaming after a week of dealing with Clare’s “immaturity.” During last week’s show, he bristled when she confronted him and the other suitors during a group date about not putting in the effort to get to know her. After she had the guys on another group date play “strip dodgeball,” he had enough.
“You’re not setting the right example for my daughter. I’m ashamed to be associated with you,” yelled Yosef. “I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here just for this tasteless and classless display.”
Clare retorted back with the famous words she yelled at Juan Pablo: “I never thought I would have to repeat these words to another man. I would never want my children to have a father like you. Get out of here.” And he hopped into his SUV and was never seen (on the show) again.
But after the thunderstorm came the rainbow. Frontrunner Dale was there to console Clare after she threw Yosef out. “I’m so falling in love with Dale,” she said to the camera.
Just a reminder, it’s week three.
The rose ceremony
Rattled, Clare canceled the cocktail party and went straight into handing out roses. Blake Monar, Garin and Tyler S. followed Yosef out the door.
The first group date
After canceling the date activity in the name of self-Clare (I know this isn’t funny), our leading lady invited the gents over to her place for a cocktail party. But that really meant Jason, Jay, Eazy, Chasen, Blake, Ed and Riley sat outside while Clare and Dale made out on her bed for an hour.
Despite the other guys trying to give her the attention she cried out for just last week, Clare continued to blow them off for her one-and-only.
Dale got the group date rose, and a new villain was born.
It was time for Zac J.’s first pedicure. The 37-year-old cleaning service owner and Clare attempted to relax at a spa but fumbled when they tried to land a kiss on one another. She felt uncomfortable when he tried to grab her arm.
Chris Harrison had to tell Zac J. that Clare wouldn’t be joining him for dinner and that he would be going home.
The second group date
Comedian Margaret Cho came to the La Quinta to teach the men how to roast. But instead of throwing zingers at each other or Bennett’s wardrobe choices, Dale and Clare’s relationship took center stage. Cho called the “jokes” hostile, so hopefully we won’t see any of these future influencers doing stand up after the pandemic is over.
Instead of forming bonds with the guys, Clare used the cocktail party to dig information about Dale out of them. “It was almost like ‘Gossip Girl,’ ” said Zac C.
Kenny called it “a waste of time.”
After the men “didn’t give her what she needed,” Clare did not hand out a group date rose.
“I’m not going to sit there [after they] dished on my fiancé so hard,” she told a producer.
I’m sorry, who?
On Twitter, Chris Harrison teased that “the last 9 seconds will shake you to your core.” They did not: We know Clare leaves with Dale, we know the men get mad, we know Tayshia comes on later. Luckily, we will finally, finally, get to see the fun go down next week. But we’ll have to wait until Thursday night, because of a little thing called the general election.