While the results of the presidential race seem to be changing by the second, the complete and utter predictability of “The Bachelorette’s” election week special was wonderfully soothing.
There were twists, but we’ve seen them coming for months. Last week, Chris Harrison told me that this season was like a horror movie: Tayshia Adams was hiding around the corner, we just didn’t know which one.
Tonight, she finally came out of the shadows. Clare and Dale got engaged, and Tayshia took over as The Bachelorette.
But despite the switch, it was still Clare’s show. It seems like after many, many tries, she finally found the love she’s spent years looking for on TV, and that’s something to celebrate.
Dale and Clare, I am willing to quarantine for two weeks to attend the wedding. Congrats!
The big chat
What appeared to be the morning after Clare did not give out a rose on last week’s group date, Chris made a stop at her villa. “We need to have a serious, just you and me talk,” he told her in front of a camera crew. “The path we’re on right now, we can’t continue.”
The host made it clear to Clare that the rest of the men were getting frustrated with her, and it was obvious to everyone her attention was set on only one man. Then Chris asked Clare to “not f – – k with him,” and be honest if the Bachelorette spoke to Dale before filming. “Not one word, not one bit, I swear on my dad’s grave,” she swore.
However, she did look at his social media. “It was like he was somebody I could see myself hanging out with,” she said, particularly remembering his posts about his mother’s death. Her feelings for him were “definitely built up before we even got here.”
Boom! “The Bachelorette” was blown up.
The cocktail party
. . . was canceled. Chris told the guys Clare did not want to hold one.
The rose ceremony
. . . was also canned by Clare. Chris then asked Dale to step outside with him, where he whisked the former football player away for a date. The animosity from the non-Dale suitors continued to swell. “It’s about me trusting Clare, that she’s giving everyone a fair shot,” muttered boy band manager Kenny.
Over a romantic dinner, Dale and Clare bonded over the deaths of their parents. Though we’ve been hearing about nothing but Dale for weeks, this is the most fans have ever heard him speak.
“I’m so falling in love with you,” Clare said, baring her soul to him. Dale wasn’t afraid to say it: He was falling in love with her too. After a spitty make-out (remember, coronavirus doesn’t exist there), they danced while being serenaded at a private concert.
Fantasy suite night came early: Breaking “Bachelorette” tradition big time, Dale spent the night at her casa. The next morning, he was shirtless and her dress was on the ground, wink wink.
The mass breakup
Ever dump 16 guys at once? Clare told her other potential loves that it was over, and she’s “going for it” with Dale. She tried the “it’s not you, it’s me” line on the whole room.
Some were worried that she was setting herself up for failure, committing to a guy she’s only known for weeks. Kenny was angry because Clare wasted his time. Blake wanted to know why he got “nothing in return” for his “investment.”
But Clare was “not going to apologize for love.”
Drop to your knees
Sonja Morgan is not the straw that stirs the drink, Chris Harrison is: He told Dale that Clare was expecting a proposal (earlier, Chris told Clare to expect one that night). He is the omnipotent lord of Bachelor Nation, and he rules with an iron fist. Of course, the host had already called ringmaster Neil Lane to the scene to produce a rock stat.
After some fun editing by the producers to make it look like Dale wasn’t going to show up, it was time for Clare’s happily ever after: He got down on one knee.
Looks like Clare was lying about being self-engaged: Of course, she said yes to Dale. Hello future Mrs. Moss!
Life moves fast at the La Quinta. Clare and Dale left together. Chris let the remaining 16 men know that a new gal (gee, I wonder who?) would be coming to the resort. Luckily, no one had strong enough feelings for Clare to have a problem with this.
Dressed (again) to impress, they guys were ready to meet their mystery lady, whomever she would be.
Tayshia stepped out of the limo and approached the door of the house. Remix!
Promos show Clare and Dale doing a tell-all interview with Chris. Did they lie about when they started their relationship? Probably not, but editing would lead us to believe otherwise right now.
Tayshia gets stuck cleaning up Clare’s mess. Though it seems like the men aren’t taking well to her, I have a strong feeling she will be just fine.